The things I don’t remember

The things I don’t remember:

I didn’t remember telling Michele that crossing your z’s is dumb in the fourth grade. She was outraged when she saw me doing it in highschool. Gosh I’m sorry, was I really that mean?

I didn’t remember translating my brother in law’s letter to my parents asking for my sister’s hand in marriage into Korean. That seems really hard, but also so fun and sweet that he included me like that, did that really happen?

I didn’t remember whether or not something my mom told me was true that she insisted was. We fought about it. And when we fought, I didn’t remember the verse I memorized just a few weeks ago after fighting with my husband. 

“Know this my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger. For the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.” James 1:19-20

My about to turn 5 year old son who may actually have the Holy Spirit indwelling him already said to me, “mama, sometimes I say I’m going to be a good boy and do good things and then right after that I disobey.” 

“Me too, M.” 

When I feel irritated, or misunderstood, or offended, I don’t remember. 

I don’t remember the woman I want to be. One that is gentle, kind, and meek (which doesn’t just mean quiet but pursuing peace and not easily worked up). I don’t remember the respect others deserve, and how my tone can tear them down. 

I don’t remember the foolishness of returning to the same sins I committed to overcoming last time. I don’t remember that the eternal God entered time into this wicked and depraved world to become sin for me because of my flippancy about sin. 

I don’t remember the glory I want to give my God.

I don’t remember so much. I am so finite and weak. 

I want to remember. 

Alas, I am in a sinful body, and until my Lord returns to grant me a new body, or until this body goes back to the dust, I will not be rid of the temptations that rear their ugly heads all day. 

Yet, the Lord has called me to perfect holiness, and it is good and right to strive for it with the means he has given me. 

So let me take up the Word, let me pray with full belief, let me meditate on the Scriptures, and confess sin and seek prayer from my brothers and sisters. 

And let me be sanctified, Lord. 

“Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin.”

‭‭Romans‬ ‭7‬:‭24‬-‭25‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Tradeoffs

 Tradeoffs 

In parenting, every decision you make is a tangible trade off. You can rock to sleep and enjoy a faster sleep routine, but you’ll probably need to do it again later since your baby doesn’t self soothe. You can relax the rule and let your child go without discipline, but they will test your boundaries next time since no repercussions followed through. You can be the fun parent and indulge in delicious sweets, but you will have to grapple with the sugar high that accompanies it. 

Now, I speak as a snuggle loving, really don’t feel like disciplining right now, chocolate chips in every pancake mom, so no judgment here. There’s a balance to everything and you as the parent are responsible for choosing your battles and caring for your children wisely.

Instead, I call out the reality of the trade off because it demonstrates that there is something we are choosing in every decision we make, whether conscious or not. 

So how foolish is it then when we make these choices and then forget what good we saw and instead fixate on the trade off? 

You choose a spouse because of his wonderful qualities, but grumble when his thriftiness says no to a larger eating out budget. You pick a job because it offers you excitement or salary or culture, but enviously look to what another role has that yours is missing. You become a parent because children are a joy and honor, but look at them as barriers to your old independence and delights. 

There are difficulties and unintended consequences that come with tradeoffs, and while they can certainly be challenging and discouraging, we ought to remember what we chose in the first place. 

A godly husband who wants to steward the family budget with biblical giving in mind. The delight of spending my days with my boys, parenting them intimately and shaping their minds. The privilege of being the comfort and nourishment my baby needs to sleep and grow. 

Our disposition towards these things comes down to where we decide to focus our minds. So today, forget the down side and remember the why. Remember the good. And may your heart be filled with thanksgiving to the One who has granted every good thing.