Oh Lord Be Merciful to Me, I Am a Sinner Through and Through

From the pulpit at Pillar, and in my own bible reading I've repeatedly come across the command to be set apart for the Lord, consecrated. I've been wrestling with what that means. There are many ways the word is used, many people and things that are consecrated - from Christ Jesus himself (John 17:19) to animal offerings and furniture for worship (2 Chronicles 29:33).

The emphasis I settled on was that of consecration of people, for the divine purpose of the Lord:

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations." - Jeremiah 1:5

Now, I recognize that I'm not exactly an Old Testament prophet called to be the mouthpiece of God. But I know that my Lord has known me from the womb, from eternity before my birth, and that He has a divine purpose for me - to bring glory to His name. But I wasn't really sure what that looked like. I considered the pictures I had in my head of people set apart for the Lord - the missionary who sells all his belongings to live forever in a foreign land, the 18th century hymn-writer who memorized the entire New Testament instead of going and enjoying the local entertainment of the age, the passionate revival prayer warrior who does not shy away from making every Facebook post and every IRL conversation about the glory of Christ.

I wondered, Lord how shall I be set apart? What shall I be for your kingdom? The consecrated life can look like so many things. What earthly pleasures must I flee from and what commandments shall I most embrace?

I set the thoughts aside and was swept up in the busy schedule of taking my first online course with Southern Baptist Theological Seminary. My reasons for taking the class and beginning my pursuit of an MA in Theological Studies were pretty simple - it will aid me in becoming a better worshipper of God, and I would like the option in the future to pursue a PhD in Christian academia. My nonchalance about all of it was shattered last Friday when I realized that I had completely misread the syllabus. What I thought was a roughly 9 hour commitment throughout the week was more like .. honestly I'm still not sure how many hours. Somewhere along the lines of every day after work, every commute back and forth, and if I wasn't absolutely diligent, all day Saturday. At first I thought I could buckle down and do it, it's only 8 weeks. And then I realized this was a long term goal, my life might look like this for the next 3 years. (and in Deb's words "probably longer" haha).

Three years, I'll be 26 when I'm finished with this degree. All of a sudden, my feelings of panic and despair went away, and I was pleased to consider that I would have to cling to the Lord for help for the next 3 years. I would be a 23 year old, coming home from work every day to pour over Christian textbooks, devoting my first fruits of youth, time, health, energy, to the wonderful effort of studying God's Word. What better way to be set apart for the Lord? I was filled with joy and peace in the thought of being able to live diligently and intentionally for the glory of God in this way for the foreseeable future.

That was last week. Today, I came home and watched some Youtube videos while eating dinner. Got on my phone and scanned through Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook, Pinterest. And then when my mom came home and started nagging as she does in her love, I sassed her. Told her she doesn't do anything but nag. My dad asked me what time I would be leaving for work tomorrow (if I don't leave early he is happy to drop me off every morning). I got annoyed. Next thing I knew it was 10pm, I hadn't done any of my readings, and I remembered that when I procrastinate I eat snacks. I feel fat, I haven't been able to set aside time to go to the gym, and I'm frustrated with my own lack of discipline. How can I claim to be entering a season of dying to my self and being set apart for the Lord if I can't even love my own parents? If I can't even overcome my own laziness?

I cannot, except by the power of the Spirit in me. I know this, sin comes forth from my core. But man, this class is showing me my ugliness anew. And I am thankful for this too, for the Lord saves me from myself. He sheds me of my sinfulness by His grace alone. He releases for me the shackles of laziness and self-service. Oh Lord be merciful to me, I am a sinner through and through. Please refine me, remove from me the sinfulness that is everything of me, and remind me of this truth:

"I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me." 

- Galatians 2:20

Great Is Thy Faithfulness

I love the song "Great is Thy Faithfulness" because it makes me reflect on how the Lord has truly been so faithful to me. He's given me every good thing for my soul, and countless additional comforts  for life on earth in His grace. But this morning as I listened to this song on my commute, I considered the sobering fact that my existence has only started 22 years ago. Really consider that, just 22 years! It is so small and insignificant of a time against all of eternity, and if I have had the joy of witnessing this much of His faithfulness in my lifetime, how much more will I see before I breathe my last? 22 more years? 40 years? 50 years? Whatever it will be, I can't wait to see what He will do, how many more glimpses of His goodness He will grant me to see.

But what's really crazy, is that when I've died, my time on earth will grow continuously minuscule as the time of eternity continues on. And in eternity, the bible says we will ever worship the Lord Jesus for who He is, but also for one thing in particular:

Revelation 5:11-13

"Then I looked, and I heard around the throne and the living creatures and the elders the voice of many angels, numbering myriads of myriads and thousands of thousands, saying with a loud voice, 

'Worthy is the Lamb who was slain,

to receive power and wealth and wisdom and might

and honor and glory and blessing!'

And I heard every creature in heaven and on earth and under the earth and in the sea, and all that is in them, saying, 

'To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb

be blessing and honor and glory and might forever and ever!'”

We will worship Him for being the Lamb. The God-man who gave up His divine place on the throne to become flesh, and as the Creator of Life, die. On a cross, hated by those He came to save, all the while drinking full the wrath of the Holy God, as the Holy God.

My 22 years of life may be a wonderful testament to God's faithfulness, but the greatest work of His faithfulness was already done. Planned before eternity past, to be remembered for eternity future. The Lord Jesus Christ has submit himself to fleshly death, for sinners.

Great is His faithfulness.


(My favorite version of Great Is Thy Faithfulness by Jimmy Needham here)
https://open.spotify.com/track/5bb6qLFKvP0HfqgdQWMAHw

Chains Are Broken, Lives Are Free

I love hearing the testimonies of fellow believers, for the wonderful truths about what Christ has done for us are countless, and each soul is gripped by a different combination of them in His own timing. I myself have often rejoiced in Spurgeon's reflections on how the Word came alive and was made sweet anew as the Spirit caused him to finally hear and cherish the Truth. My heart sings out that it is true! In His grace, he has indeed opened my eyes to behold wondrous things in His law.

Recently I'm being led to meditate upon the many other truths, those of which I may not personally have a visceral response to, but are true and good nonetheless. Growing up in a loving Christian home, the weight and despair of sin was not a burden I was familiar with. I was barely even aware of the load on my back when it was so graciously removed as Bunyan describes in the Pilgrim's Progress. Luther, on the other hand, speaks often of his wrestling with the wrath of a holy God, how he hated it, and felt hopeless and helpless before the mighty throne. From this place, he comes to see the futility of man ridding himself of the sin that pours out of him. 

“If we allow sin to remain in our conscience and try to deal with it there, or if we look at sin in our heart, it will be much too strong for us and will live on forever. But if we behold it resting on Christ and [see it] overcome by his resurrection, and then boldly believe this, even it is dead and nullified. Sin cannot remain on Christ, since it is swallowed up by his resurrection. Now you see no woulds, no pain in him, and no sign of sin.” “in his suffering Christ makes our sin known and thus destroys it, but through his resurrection he justifies us and deliver us from all sin, if we believe this” 

There is no overcoming the stronghold sin has on us by our own power. We are enslaved in our flesh to evil desires, but these chains (as well as the rotten fruit and righteous wrath that ensued) were put on Christ Jesus himself to be swallowed up by death and resurrection.

 “but pass beyond that and see his friendly heart and how this heart beats with such love for you that it impels him to bear with pain your conscience and your sin. Then your heart will be filled with love for him, and the confidence of your faith will be strengthened.”

With the knowledge of the power of Christ in casting aside our despondence (as much or as little we individually may feel), consider then also the heart of love which was moved to supernatural grace and mercy. The taker of such despair has approached us with gentleness and friendliness. He has not become embittered from the chains and wrath placed upon his back so unjustly, but has rather manifested the fountains of compassion and love that pour forth from His heart. 

How I Love Your Ministry In Me

I started this blog a few years ago with the hope of documenting my worship to the Lord through my college years and beyond. Along the way I hoped that the Lord would use my written thoughts to bring glory to His name, and preach the gospel truth to my unbelieving friends who click through out of curiosity. In the spirit of that simple hope, I wanted to share the way the Lord is molding my heart to worship Him as of late.

This past weekend I saw this view above, and for the first time I understood my mom's excitement over nature. It's God's creation and it's beautiful. It radiates His glory, and truly the mountains sing out His praise. But what does this mean for us? While the Creator should be honored and praised purely for the magnificence of this creation, the Spirit also convicted my heart in the truth that I am undeserving of this gift. That the Lord would bless irreverent creation with the company of His majestic handiwork is grace upon grace. Do not forget this: we in our nature are enemies of God. We were created to worship, and yet we cast our affections upon worthless things. We are deserving of eternal wrath, condemned in our unceasing sin, by the Most Holy God. And yet, He grants us snowy mountain views, warm beds, rest and comfort, family, friends, love, joy! Why? We have done nothing  but rebel against Him! Oh Father you are gracious and merciful beyond comprehension. That you would send your Son and place divine wrath against your own divine person. We are so undeserving, and we thank you forever for your showers of unearned blessings, the great gift of eternal salvation and the every day presents of nature and comfort. You are a good, good Father. 

How to Love

Haha, I used a Lil Wayne title..

Growing up, my concept of God was overly focused on God the Father. Being blessed with the material and then with the understanding of His sovereignty in blessings spiritual, I felt deep love and gratitude for Him. But I did not spend enough time in the Word, learning who Jesus Christ is, and what He did as God and man. Now knowing the wonderful plan of my salvation, I'm coming to get to know this lovely Jesus, his tenderness and compassion for His worthless disciples, myself included. What a loving and forgiving God man He was and is and continues to be.

John 14:18-24

"I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. Yet a little while and the world will see me no more, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. In that day you will know that I am in my Father, and you in me, and I in you. Whoever has my commandments and keeps them, he it is who loves me. And he who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I will love him and manifest myself to him." 

Judas (not Iscariot) said to him, "Lord, how is it that you will manifest yourself to us, and not to the world?" 

Jesus answered him, "If anyone loves me, he will keep my word, and my Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him. Whoever does not love me does not keep my words. And the word that you hear is not mine but the Father's who sent me."

For the first time, I am overwhelmed with the tender love of my Lord Jesus. He knows I am a vagrant and an orphan here. He promises eternal life with Him. And until then, He comforts my fickle soul with the giving of the Spirit to make His home in me. That in His physical absence, Christ would provide for me, in my sinful flesh, fellowship with God! Oh how can I respond to this love Lord? How can I love you back Lord?

I will keep you Word, oh Lord Jesus. I will love the others, as you have commanded in your love. Oh help me to have your commandments, to keep them, and do them.

You are the Lord, the Famous One

Say therefore to the people of Israel,

"I am the Lord,

and I will bring you out from under the burdens of the Egyptians, 

and I will deliver you from slavery to them,

and I will redeem you with an outstretched arm

and with great acts of judgment.

I will take you to be my people,

and I will be your God,

and you shall know that I am the Lord your God,

who has brought you out from under the burdens of the Egyptians."

- Exodus 6:6-7 (emphasis added)

This promise from the Lord, made by God to Moses and the Israelites under the slavery of the Egyptians, is one of eternal establishment. It was planned and set in place for the Israelites before time began, for the Lord promises that they shall know He is the Lord their God "who has brought" them out, and note that this was spoken to a distressed Moses who had just faced an angry mob of Israelites who wanted nothing to do with him. But this eternally established promise, was not only for the Israelites of ancient times. It rings true to the promise of a Savior for all of God's people, beautifully presented in the symbol of Israelite history. 

I will deliver you from slavery

Romans 6:17-18 "But thanks be to God that you who were once slaves of sin have become obedient from the heart to the standard of teaching to which you were committed, and, having been set free from sin, have become slaves of righteousness"

Galatians 5:1 "For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery"

*Note what a glorious truth it is to be set free from slavery to sin, and willingly subjected to a slavery to righteousness to receive the best things of eternity by living for the King. 

I will redeem you with an outstretched arm

There are lots of places where the theme of an outstretched arm can be seen (references to creation Jeremiah 27:5, with a mighty hand Jeremiah 32:17, brought Israel out Ps 136:11-12). But the imagery, though not literally supported in the Word, that comes to mind is the ultimate outstretching of God's divine hand onto earth: the giving of the Son of God, born into frail humanity in the form of a mere babe in a manger. God has truly outstretched his arm and gathered up His people by sending His Son Jesus Christ to die on the earth He created.

with great acts of judgment

Ezekiel 20:33 "As I live, declares the Lord God, surely with a mighty hand and outstretched arm and with wrath poured out I will be king over you." God's outstretching of grace and mercy comes with righteous judgment. The plagues sent to Egypt in the following chapters are but a glimpse of the wrath and truly great acts of judgment that are to come in the final days, when God who had previously "endured with much patience vessels of wrath prepared for destruction" will finally "make known the riches of his glory for vessels of mercy, which he has prepared beforehand for glory" Romans 9:22-23. 

I will take you to be my people

Galatians 3:26, 29 "for in Christ Jesus you are all Sons of God, through faith" "And if you are Christ's, then you are Abraham's offspring, heirs according to promise"

Romans 8:15 "For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, 'Abba! Father!'"

Oh, how glorious this promise is, and ever more amazing as we see it further reified through history.

and I will be your God

Leviticus 26:12 "And I will walk among you and will be your God, and you shall be my people"

Friends, God has made good on His promise. He has sent His precious Son to dwell among us, to walk among us and be man, and yet sinless, the perfect man. 

Furthermore verse 11 tells us "I will make my dwelling among you, and my soul shall not abhor you." How could they have known the riches of this promise, that the Triune God would dwell among us in the Son, and ever closer in our very hearts in the Holy Spirit, the Comforter and Divine Helper. 

Thank you oh Lord, our God, that your promises are true and that no power could ever thwart your eternal plans. The steadfast love of our Lord endures forever. 

"to him who struck down the firstborn of Egypt, 

for his steadfast love endures forever;

with a strong hand and an outstretched arm,

for his steadfast love endures forever;"

Psalm 136:11-12

3 Year Bible

My sophomore year in college, after attempting the 1-Year Bible Plan time and time again and failing, I decided to read the bible cover to cover. Roughly 3 years later I've finally finished! Here are some things I was blessed with along the way:

• The bible was written for the glory of God. Oftentimes, folks are tempted to read the Word for their own comfort from hard times, for moral instruction, for some arbitrary sense of encouragement. Don't get me wrong, if you cherish the Word you will be comforted, you will be instructed on how to please the Lord, and you will absolutely be encouraged. But when you take the time to go through God's Word in its entirety, instead of cracking the bible open to your same favorite verses every once in a while, you'll quickly realize very little is directed to the reader, and all of it points to Christ, to the praise and glory of God. 
• On the note of "likable" passages, this journey took me through many portions of scripture that I really didn't "like". Some of them seemed difficult to defend to non-believers, others felt wrong at first glance, and still others seemed contradictory. As I struggled through these passages and wrestled with what it revealed of the character of God, and what humanity truly is, I found great joy in bowing to the inerrant, infallible, unchanging truth of God's Word. 
• To that point, I realized how silly I was to try to jump into the epistles without reading everything that preceded them. When I first jumped into 1 John, I felt very uncomfortable hearing that "We know that we have passed out of death into life, because we love the brothers. Whoever does not love abides in death." A little harsh no? And why is my salvation based on loving my brothers? Oh, because Jesus said it. But he isn't describing a works-based gospel. Back up to John 13:35 and Jesus tells his disciples, "By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another." Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ as Savior will produce this love for one another. How? Because God is a God of love, and has loved His Son and the world in sending His Son, and the Son has loved us in revealing God's wonderful plan and executing it on our behalf, and we've known God is a God of love since, well Genesis. 
• And just in case you feel overwhelmed in bowing to this truth because you know you are not filled with love for your brother, we need not fear, because the Word promises the indwelling of Christ's Spirit in us will cause us to bear such fruit. 
• And with every new layer of understanding the Triune God, what He has done for us, the fact that He does it all, who we are, and how long and intricately and perfectly this plan has been in place from the Book of Life before time to Israel's priestly traditions to the promise of Gentile salvation, I rejoice to find that the bible is its own best commentary. The Word is so sweet, and the joys and treasures written in it are never-ending and inexhaustible. 

How sweet are your words to my taste,

sweeter than honey to my mouth! 

Through your precepts I get understanding;

therefore I hate every false way.

Your word is a lamp to my feet

and a light to my path.

- Psalm 119:103-105

Hail to the King

Imagery for the Great Commission

Christ with us, a great multitude is led out in triumphal procession. Triumphal. Not merely meek before the world, stepping out two by two with meager possessions. We are equipt with the very Spirit of Christ, who has authority over all things. Thus we step out in joy, boasting in the Lord, singing and making melodies to Him in our hearts. And as we disperse throughout Judea, Samaria, and to the ends of the earth we carry with us, thick the fragrance of the knowledge of Christ. And all passerby as we proclaim the divine truth are enveloped in this fragrance. Some from death to death, but others from life to life!

Who is sufficient for these things? Thanks be to God, who in Christ always leads us in triumphal procession!

2 Corinthians 2:14-17
Matthew 28:18-20

Here In the Death of Christ I Live

PROPITIATION

Background

- See Romans chs 1-3:20 to understand the truth of our total depravity in sin

What is propitiation?

- appeasing of divine wrath, namely the just punishment for our vile sinfulness

Once upon a time, we were cut off from fellowship with God. We had "fallen short of the glory of God" (Rom 3:23) and were kept apart from Him. So much so, that the high priest of Israel would, on The Day of Atonement (Lev 16), go through several cleansing ceremonies, and enter through the curtain (remember this curtain it's important later) to the Most Holy Place where the presence of God dwelled. He went with rope tied round his waist, as it wasn't uncommon for priests to fall dead before the presence of God. And on this day, he would make a special sacrifice within the ark of the covenant, upon a holy place called "the mercy seat" (Heb 9:5) or in Greek, the propitiation. Despite all of their many sacrifices and offerings throughout the year, the wages of sin are death, and the life of an animal was delivered for the sins of Israel. 

But as you might imagine, the wrath of the Holy God, cannot justly be appeased by means of animal sacrifices. No, it was in His divine forbearance that he had passed over former sins (Rom 3:25) because He had a plan to show the righteousness of God. And His plan was Jesus. 

How is propitiation?

- Jesus Christ the God/man drank the cup of wrath on behalf of those who would believe in His name

Picture Jesus, knowing that his crucifixion awaits him, fully human and fully deity, sweating drops of blood as he prays in agony for the cup of wrath to be taken away from him if and only if it is the will of God (Luke 22:39-44). See him on the cross, calling out "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" (Mark 15:34). And we are so quick to empathize with him in our human frailty. 

"Ah yes, if it were my own hands pierced by the nails, scalp full of thorns, and lashes on my back, I would cry out to God as well"

NO! Christ Jesus, is not some fearful man who cringes at the thought of mere physical pain when his disciples run joyfully into martyrdom. Christ acted in such a way, because he knew what God's wrath looked like:

"And the sea gave up the dead who were in it, Death and Hades gave up the dead who were in them, and they were judged, each one of them, according to what they had done. Then Death and Hades were thrown into the lake of fire. This is the second death, the lake of fire. And if anyone's name was not found written in the book of life, he was thrown into the lake of fire."

(Rev 20:13-15)

The way my frail human brain imagines this, is a little like this scene from Harry Potter. TLDwatch, Dumbledore forcibly drinks a potion that brings him intense pain. In one frame, you see the old man's face, agonized and yet submissively determined to take on more of this awful drink. Except with Jesus, He opened his mouth and drank up all of an eternity in the lake of fire as it came blazing down upon him for you, for me, for every believer. A great multitude! the bible says. I gaze upon it and I shake my head, it's impossible! I see a blazing sky of fire tornadoing down into this frail and human body on the cross. And yet, Christ's mouth shuts and the fiery horror of God's wrath is contained within Him. I have forgotten that He is God, victorious over death and eternal hell. It is finished. 

"And the curtain of the temple was torn in two, from top to bottom. And when the centurion, who stood facing him, saw that in this way he breathed his last, he said, 'Truly this man was the Son of God'"

(Mark 15:38-39)

Sermons that led to this post:

http://www.pillarbaptist.com/sermons?sermon_id=169

Pastor Danny at Pillar Baptist Church May 2012

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JSaTWoRHbN8

Pastor Paul Washer at Shepherd's Conference 2016

Baptism Testimony

Hello, my name is Sharon Jeong, and today I’m here to declare what the Lord Jesus Christ has done for my soul.

As some of you know, I was born into a Jesus-loving home. This in itself was God’s grace on me. From the very beginning, He was sowing the seeds of the gospel into my heart.

But despite being born into such ideal circumstances, I was still blind to the truth of the gospel. In fact, growing up in church just made me prideful. I foolishly believed that having bible knowledge and generally agreeing with Christian morals made me righteous. And so I justified living like an unbeliever, fearing no punishment for sin, and declaring myself holier than others through it all. Even still, the Lord gave me a heart to trust in His gospel. Though I didn’t actually understand it yet, it was His mercy that carried me through those years of paying lip-service to God.

Freshmen year in college, I think I read the bible for the very first time. I had read passages here and there for 18 years. But in that first year away from home, the Holy Spirit began to open my ears to hear God’s truth. I would go through passages like Phil 2:13 and read that it was God who worked in me both to will and to work for His good pleasure. And my heart would resound with the truth of God’s sovereignty over us, amazed that what I knew to be true in my life was all written down and explained in this book. God’s Word became so sweet to me from that point on.

Despite finally hearing the good truth of the gospel, I was still a self-righteous person. And so God graciously led me to see my sin. Looking into my soul felt much like peering over a gaping hole. And I saw that every aspect of my personality, to my very core, was made up of pride, selfishness, laziness, and above all else idolatry of myself. In making myself to be God, I had lived an entire life of rebellion against the Lord who I claimed to honor as King of Kings.

One hymn I’ve read recently, resounded with this discovery of my sin:

Twas you, my sins, my cruel sins,
His chief tormentors were;
Each of my crimes became a nail,
And unbelief the spear. 

You see, all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. But we don’t have to be in despair, for the gospel doesn’t only reveal to us our sin, it is also tells us of the sweet, immeasurable grace that God has for us in making a way for salvation:

God Almighty in His astounding compassion sent Jesus Christ, the eternal Son of God who has been on the throne since the beginning of time, to earth. And he lived the perfect life and died on the cross as a spotless Lamb, in our place. He came in love, to redeem undeserving sinners, to the praise of His glorious name.

My dear friends, see the sin that had enslaved me, and repent for your own life of rebellion in unbelief against God. And understand, that to be saved from the eternal death we deserve, you need but look to Christ. See what He has accomplished for you on that cross! Believe in the Lord Jesus who has died in your place, and has resurrected to promise us eternal life with Him.

-

I have been buried with Christ as under the water, and have come up born again. My sin has been covered by the righteousness of Christ, and now I get to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord for all of eternity. As God continues to sanctify this undeserving child, I live now as a new creature, henceforth looking toward heavenly things and eagerly awaiting the coming of the Lord.