Wonderfully and Fearfully Made

"Quickening": the first moment a mother feels her baby's movement in the womb

It's a shame we don't use this word much anymore. Admittedly, baby's first movements feel more like gas moving around your insides (so sweet right?) than anything else. But the word calls attention to the moment a mama feels the truth and reality of what has been taking place in her womb for quite some time: the knitting together of a soul, a child that is an image-bearer of God. 

Pregnancy comes with many spiritual lessons. I have been genuinely humbled to realize anew that there is truly nothing good in me. When stripped of even the least bit of my health and comfort and emotional stability, what rears its ugly head is again the old man, the flesh which cherishes complaining, relishes in lashing out in frustration, and joyfully entertains idolatrous thoughts of self and the "justice" in being upset or lazy or self-centered. 

Personal sanctification aside, pregnancy has also taught me how badly our modern culture has twisted the focus of Psalm 139:14 "I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well." First off, you don't usually even hear the second half of that verse as it's used in every teenage girl's devotional as a "you are beautiful, you are wonderful, you are fearful(?)" as if the focus is on how precious you are, and don't you forget it you special snowflake! Let me present a different focus. I have walked around for the past 6 months eating and sleeping and thinking nothing of the miraculous work that is taking place in my womb. I make absolutely zero physical or mental exertion (besides avoiding deli meat and raw food), toward the making of the baby inside me, and yet today Martyn has arms and legs and functioning organs and is practicing breathing and has his eyes open!! A wonderful and fearfully powerful act is going on in my body, and it is 110% the handiwork of the Sovereign God. 

On that note, it is not my "right" that creates life, a person and a soul, in my womb, it is God's divine prerogative. Anyone who has struggled with infertility is soberly aware of that fact. And it is not my "right" to take tools of destruction into my body and destroy the work that God has done, and vacuum it out like life was never present in my flesh. Like a soul was not there just a moment before, kicking and squirming and letting me know he doesn't like it when I lean on that side of my body because it squishes his space. The knitting together of a person is a wonderful work of God, my soul now knows it well. 

All to say, my understanding of God's sovereignty had not previously extended into the "secret place/depths" of my womb, but now I know and I praise God that it is His jurisdiction and that He rules and watches over everything in the universe. Lord, thank you for providing everything this baby needs to be formed into an image-bearer of you. May his soul bring much glory unto your name by the grace and mercy of your salvation. 

But When We See Thee As Thou Art We’ll Praise Thee As We Ought

By far, the best part of joining a new body of believers is getting to hear so many testimonies of how God has drawn His people to Himself. There are saints who grew up deaf to the sweet truth they were surrounded by and others who stumbled across it while listening to a radio program for financial advice that happened to share a station with Alistair Begg. There are brothers who were ensnared in the superstitious works of Catholicism and sisters who were staunch atheists. People who believed at age 4 and others who came to faith well past 40. If anything is clear, it is that God has worked an absolute spiritual miracle in each soul that he has caused to sit in a pew at RBC.

I found myself tonight looking at the congregation gathered for prayer meeting and was truly struck by what I was seeing, a room full of miracles. And in this day where we hear of the church being riddled with every kind of false gospel, faulty theology, slippery slope of post-modern thinking, and unbelievable account after account of moral failure and apostasy, it is a miracle that God has kept these people. It is a miracle that God has not removed the lampstand at this church, or any other church for that matter.

And though I consider it a miracle, it is not a mystery.
“Then I turned to see the voice that was speaking to me, and on turning I saw seven golden lampstands, and in the midst of the lampstands one like a son of man, clothed with a long robe and with a golden sash around his chest.” (Rev 1:12-13)
“We have this as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul, a hope that enters into the inner place behind the curtain, where Jesus has gone as a forerunner on our behalf, having become a high priest forever after the order of Melchizedek.” (Heb 6:19-20)
“Consequently, he is able to save to the uttermost those who draw near to God through him, since he always lives to make intercession for them.” (Heb 7:25)
“Simon, Simon, behold, Satan demanded to have you, that he might sift you like wheat, but I have prayed for you that your faith may not fail.” (Luke 22:31-32a)

Praise be to Jehovah who sees our frailty, knows our frame, and pours out His steadfast loving kindness to sustain us and keep us forever. We can never be snatched out of God’s hand for we have the intercession of a divine High Priest. Therefore, may we take heed, repent for abandoning the love we had at first, and do the works He commands of us to the glory of His gracious name.

This The Power of the Cross

As someone who loves the doctrines of grace, I tend to place the focus on how undeserving I am to have been predestined, plucked out of my hell-bound way, and given saving faith through the power of the Holy Spirit. But in that focus, I've often forgotten to look to who and what our saving faith is placed in, the person and work of Jesus Christ, and more specifically the cross of Christ.

"But far be it from me to boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world." - Galatians 6:14

Our Pastor John Grevious delivered a wonderful reminder this Sunday that the believer's only boast should be in the cross of Christ. In doing so he led us to sing the modern hymn "The Power of the Cross" and reminded us that one form of boasting is also to glory in.

In singing that hymn, I found that my heart and soul were doing just that, glorying in the cross. I'm sad to say it's something that I don't do as often as I should, so I'd love to encourage you also, as we consider the verses of this hymn, to glory along with me - what happened at the cross?

• Christ, tried by sinful men: The Judge of the living and the dead allowed Himself to be tried by sinful men. He humbled Himself to the point of death, even the despicable death on the cross.
• Christ became sin for us: The only righteous man, the God-Man who is by nature thrice holy, became sin for us.
• He bore the awesome weight of sin: Jesus swallowed up, to the very dregs, the eternal hell deserved by sinful man. He bore and endured on our behalf the fullness of the wrath of the Almighty.
• Daylight fled, the ground quaked, as Christ died, nailed to a tree: The Creator of all creation, was nailed to a tree. The Giver of Life died, and the His created earth quaked and light fled in response.
• Curtain torn in two, "finished" the victory cry: The great chasm of separation between a holy God and His sinful people, set up that we may not die in His presence, was bridged by the life and death of the perfect God-Man. Hundreds of years of sacrifices which symbolized the deadly cost of sin, and pointed to the spotless sacrifice to come, were fulfilled, and salvation wrought for all who believe upon His name. Justification is finished, you cannot work for it.
• Dead are raised to life, death is crushed to death: At Christ's crucifixion, some dead were brought to life, to point to the reality that in the resurrection, Jesus Christ defeated death. In this, we see the power of the promise of eternal life in the presence of our King. 

Lord knows we could go on and on, but in this one hymn I've been so blessed to think on the magnificence of what we see on the cross. May our boast truly be in none other than the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ. 

The Pearl of Great Price

My engagement ring being a pearl serves two wonderful purposes. First off, pearls are real cost-efficient and pretty, that makes me happy. Secondly, it is a reminder to me of the foolishness of the life I live, to the world who knows not the great price of the pearl of Christ.

“Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant in search of fine pearls, who, on finding one pearl of great value, went and sold all that he had and bought it.”

‭‭Matthew‬ ‭13:45-46‬

While this parable wins relevance, I think the parable right before it actually better conveys the secret riches this pearl represents.

"The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field, which a man found and covered up. Then in his joy he goes out and sells all that he has and buys that field."

You see the world doesn't know that there is treasure hidden in that field. It sees Christians living by the words of an ancient book and considers them hatefully fundamental or sadly brainwashed at best. It sees Christians rejoicing in self-awareness of depravity, joyfully calling themselves slaves to Christ, fleeing from all the easy pleasures and comforts of the world, and cannot comprehend why they would live so foolishly.

But the non-believer fails to understand that God has already made his plan known. From ancient days he promised a Savior for the vile and helpless creatures of sin whom He loved. He's already sent the perfect Savior to crush the serpent's head and defeat sin and death forever, just as he said he would.

Isaiah 46:9-11

"remember the former things of old;

for I am God, and there is no other;

I am God, and there is none like me,

declaring the end from the beginning and from ancient times things not yet done,

saying, 'My counsel shall stand

and I will accomplish my purpose,'

calling a bird of prey from the east,

the mean of my counsel from a far country.

I have spoken, and I will bring it to pass;

I have purposed, and I will do it."

And since this is the truth, and He has done what he said He would in sending Jesus to be truly God and yet truly perfect man to make a way for salvation, we can also trust that everything He says about the future will surely come to pass. All eternal wrath and judgment for sinners, the true justness in that punishment, and also, the store of riches gathered for ambassadors of Christ who He promised to cause to obey their Master and pick up their cross daily for the glory of their King.

Isaiah 55:11

"so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth;

it shall not return to me empty;

but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it."

Especially for those friends who I've known for more than the past 5 years, you've likely seen how the Lord has graciously changed me. I can no longer enjoy some of the things of the world. I keep annoying you with the gospel message as though if I declare it to you, it has the power to save you (it does). I'm in love with a guy who doesn't know how to "take off his Christian hat" even for a day. I know, I look like a foolish person who has sold all that they have for a dingy old field that nobody wants. But my friend, I know the magnificence of the true treasure that is promised, and the bulwark trustworthiness of the One who promises it.

Revelation 22:20

“He who testifies to these things says, “Surely I am coming soon.” Amen. Come, Lord Jesus!”

Who Is and Who Was and Who Is To Come

Passages like Ezekiel 1 which attempt to describe, in humanly conceivable terms, the overwhelming glories of the heavenly realm, feel something like speaking with someone who just can't quite find the right analogy. The author grapples with words to convey the magnificent glory of the Son of God -- "such was the appearance of the likeness of the glory of the Lord."

When you think of Jesus Christ, who do you envision? Is it a brown-haired, light-skinned, kind-looking man welcoming children to him as he sits on a rock or holds a lamb?  Or maybe you have a more culturally aware picture of a plain middle eastern guy. But do you ever imagine this?:

"And above the expanse over their heads there was the likeness of a throne, in appearance like sapphire, and seated above the likeness of a throne was a likeness with a human appearance. And upward from what had the appearance of his waist I saw as it were gleaming metal, like the appearance of fire enclosed all around. And downward from what had the appearance of his waist I saw as it were the appearance of fire, and there was brightness around him. Like the appearance of the bow that is in the cloud on the day of rain, so was the appearance of the brightness all around."

Ezekiel 1:26-28

I was speaking with a beloved non-Christian friend of mine who said he was down for Jesus as a man, as a respectable role-model of morality. This picture of Christ as only a man, and not the glorious eternal Son of God who came for the purpose of redeeming souls headed toward eternal deserved wrath, is not only a false God and idol, but a gross distortion of who God reveals himself to be in His Word. I say that not to shame my dear friends who are willing to give a nod of approval to Christianity, but I say it as a warning against insulting the holy eternal Son by reducing him to an inoffensive, easily digestible figure who is powerless to save. 

Jesus Christ is both fully man, and fully eternal glorious Son of God, who we too should fall before at his feet as though dead (Rev 1:17). For this reason, it is astounding that He calls us friend, that he was born as perishable man, and that he lived to wash the feet of us Judas's by condescending all the way unto death as the perfect, all-powerful sacrifice. The incomprehensible range of Christ's being is amazing. Christian, see that He is truly "'the Alpha and the Omega,' says the Lord God, 'who is and who was and who is to come, the Almighty'" (Rev 1:8). 

Theodidacti

"You must be theodidacti, that is, taught of God, not of men" - Zwingli

The first few chapters of 1 Corinthians emphasizes this, that the wonderful truth of the knowledge of Christ, the power and wisdom of God, is foolishness to the world. But it is the wisdom of man that is folly. 

"'The Lord knows the thoughts of the wise, that they are futile.' So let no one boast in men. For all things are yours, whether Paul or Apollos or Cephas or the world or life or death or the present or the future--all are yours, and you re Christ's, and Christ is God's." (1 Corinthians 3:20-23)

We have a God who teaches man, whose Spirit enters into our souls, and writes His very Word upon our hearts. For His glory, He has given us every thing: the Word of God is yours. The mysteries of salvation are yours. The life work and loving care of Paul, and the Apollos' and Cephas' of your life, are yours. The blood of countless martyrs is yours. The world, life, death, all things present, and all the future, yours. The flesh and blood of Christ, are for you sinner. For what? All for the purpose of  making you Christ's, to reconcile you to the Father, to the eternal glory and praise of His Holy Holy Holy name. 

See how outrageously God works all things for you, that you may be taught to glory in Him. I haven't posted in a while, and for now what I can share is that I'm currently in a monumental season of my life where the Lord is working so clearly and comprehensively to bring me to my knees in worship of Him. How could He care about me so? How could He bother with such specific providences in time and emotions, except that it's not about me. How the Father must love the Son, how holy and pleasing is the Son to the Father, that I would be regarded within Christ as worthy of such grace upon grace upon grace. 

Truly all things are mine, and I am Christ's, and Christ is God's.

Take my love, my Lord; I pour at Thy feet its treasure store

Man loves nothing in the world more than himself. And yet, the sum of the Christian life is the very denial of ourselves to worship and adore the original and only worthy recipient: God.

Getting wrecked by Calvin's On the Christian Life as I'm understanding what a self-denying love not only for God, but for my neighbors really means. When I've read "Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends" (John 15:13), my mind has always gone to the most extreme case: could I, in cinematic glory, take a bullet for my dear mother? Sure. But when I'm running late and she is nagging me for my lack of punctuality and goes on to begin criticizing various other errors in my character do I talk back and feel justified in telling her she's taking it way further than she needs to? .. Yes.

John 15:13 tells us that self-denial is to approach every situation with brothers and sisters in the posture of Christ at Gethsemane. Beyond suppressing feelings of righteous indignation, see Christ laying down His righteous Godly self in the face of immeasurable wrath and pain for the sake of unworthy, sleeping men. And he calls us friend.

So friend, who has received such grace - in the heat of argument, in the desire for lazy complacence, in the hurt of injustice, will you follow Christ and take up your cross in true self-denial? Will you obey the Lord, die to yourself, and put on His righteousness in loving your neighbor?

---

Side note, the more I understand God's commandments and the impossibility of my obeying them apart from His Spirit, the more I grow in respect and awe for Jesus Christ. Who could be so holy and yet subject himself to such horrible punishment for a worm as I? Who could love the widow and orphan, while going and sending, and maintaining the pure simplicity of the gospel while teaching clear doctrine? Who could so perfectly obey God's command, but the fulfillment of the Law and the prophets Himself: the perfect Lamb.

I will love you Lord, help me not to love myself.

I've Got the Joy Down In My Heart

Spring Morning Routine:

6:15-6:45 Hit Snooze as many times as I lack cares for how I will look that day
6:??-7:00 Open my eyes, thank the Lord for the day and plea for strength, muster the will to get up and get ready
7:00-7:15 Drive to BART, don't forget parking spot number..
7:15-8:10 Sit, Instagram, Podcast, Read the Word, Pray
8:10-8:55 **My Favorite Time of the Day** Run the 15 steps from the BART exit to PiQ Bakery
Order a hot coffee for here and some sort of carb-y treat, balance up the stairs to the balcony and settle in with seminary readings for the morning, admire the flatness of this coffee cup

I've had some random ailments the past couple weeks, perhaps revealing the stress in my heart and in my body that I suppress from my mind. The source? Ha, well to be honest I guess it's the realization that I'm not good at everything. This is sort of the only time success has not been handed to me on a silver platter, and while I know, I know that any good achievements of the past have been from the hand of the Lord, I still harbor an ugly pride that rejects the idea that I could be bad at something (besides running and math, I had to give those up a long time ago).

As a result however, I am reminded to be joyful of a few things: flat coffee cups, homeostatic digestive systems, vision, finances, books from the 1800s, loving co-workers, the option for career development, the option for higher education, compassionate parents, and a Father who will not let me go undisciplined. Thank you Lord, that you continue your sanctifying work in us, that You turn us to mortify our sin each day, and slowly refine us toward the image of Your Son. You have truly placed this joy down in my heart, may I be made aware of it each day and may my eyes be fixed upon You.

Rest of TGC and Chicago

So it turns out some of you actually read my blog and are wondering where the TGC Day 2 and 3 reflections are. Haha, yay! In any case here are some additional reflections from the rest of the trip:

one
Thus far I've approached theology by coming across a new concept like God's "tabernacling" or Christ's high priesthood and following that concept throughout the Word, and being amazed! The "No Other Gospel" message I went over in my last post, as well as the specificity with which the early church fathers nailed down the doctrines of the Trinity and Jesus' incarnation have brought me to consider a different approach.

Because everything of God and His redemptive plan are perfect, if we take a single element out, it is no longer orthodox. Consider then for example, if Jesus Christ did not become fully man, if He had been physically man but not tempted by sin because of retaining a divine mind alone, He would no longer be the perfect sacrifice to take God's wrath in our place. Or as Greg of Naz (circa 329-390AD) put it "If anyone has put his trust in Him as a Man without a human mind, he is really bereft of mind, and quite unworthy of salvation."

two
Every believer is in full time ministry. Well, at the conference I was largely surrounded by folks who are legitimately in full time ministry, but being around so many seminarians and pastors reminded me that we are, as God's children, all living each moment for the glory of God. Sure, I go to an office and sell some software for the majority of the day, but every in effort my goal is God glorified. What does full time ministry mean for your complaining heart? After-work habits? Your Saturdays? Your reading lists and personal goals? 

Better put by Calvin in "On the Christian Life": "This is a marvelous thing--we are consecrated and dedicated to God to the end that we might not think, speak, meditate, or act unless it be to His glory. The sacred [that's us!] can't be put to profane use without injustice to God."

three
It brings me to my last point. Meeting so many people who have benefited so by the writings of believers past, I'm inspired to pursue similar relationships. Kevin DeYoung says Calvin has become a most dear conversation partner. John Piper says he loves the Apostle Paul "very much". Haha. And I've expressed my kinship with women like Frances Havergal, but I've so neglected the pursuit of learning from wonderful mentors and the dedicated works they've blessed us with, as they've gone on to dwell with God. In any case, I'm motivated to read, read, read! And so thankful that God so graciously provides learning and fellowship even in this way. 

All Other Ground Is Sinking Sand

I thought I understood the doctrine of justification by faith alone. Spoiler: I didn't.

Digging through Romans in college, I was so carried off by the truth of God's sovereignty in my life that the idea that my own works could contribute anything to my salvation was quickly swept away with an of course not! I can't do anything! And that was that.

But I found myself at The Gospel Coalition conference named "No Other Gospel" going, okay I know the gospel, but what's the deal with these other gospels?

Pastor John Piper and Pastor Sandy Willson faithfully explained through Galatians 1-2.

Why is Paul freaking out about this other gospel that is no gospel? Why is he cursing anyone who proclaims a gospel that is different from the true gospel? What is this other gospel?

The church in Galatia was being told by Judaizers that justification by faith in Christ was great, but you must also be circumcised. Okay, the Israelite people of God were circumcised so I guess it makes sense to also be circumcised once you receive the new covenant of faith given that it's the sign of promise and all.. NO!

Paul is astonished and deeply angered by such heresies, why? Because the punishment for our sin is the holy wrath of God. May anyone who tampers with justification by faith alone be CURSED for that man has seen the divine curse-bearer Jesus Christ and has taken that wrath off of him, and placed it back onto feeble man.

Don't you know? By works of the law no one will be justified. If you claim that we must  bear even one ounce of the burden of the law on ourselves, you imply that the wrath of God for unrighteousness can be borne apart from Christ. You say Christ died for no reason involving you. For if righteousness were through the law, then Christ died for no purpose. 

Foolishness! Friends, it is our joy that we live by simple faith in the Son of God, who loved us and gave himself for us. Do not reject the free gift of grace through faith. To do so is to curse yourself to the wrath of the Holy Father. May no man preach any other gospel but justification by faith alone, for there is no other gospel. There is no other way.

As for me, I shall call upon God. And the Lord will save me. (Psalm 55:16)