Such a worm as I

Sinners sin differently. This sinner is a grade A fool who often mistakes herself to be next to God in self-righteousness. I’d like to think that the writer of the hymn which says “did He devote His sacred head for such a worm as I” was of the pridefully deluded type like me, who needed reminder that he is indeed but a worm before the perfectly holy and wonderful Creator. To those of this type, I’ve found that sometimes some honest navel-gazing is actually a helpful antidote. A quick list while I am of sober mind and stepped off from my very high horse: I am selfish, I create false narratives of bad motives instead of assuming the best (see Tim Challies article), I forget the good and love of others, I am quick to condemn the specks with planks jutting from my eyes. 

On a parallel note, I’ve been asked for prayer requests a few times this weekend. I’ve wanted to ask that you would pray I would stop being that list above, but it didn’t seem very socially acceptable to say. I’ve had some additional time to think (post naval-gazing) and I ask those reading to please pray for the following: 

• That I would love my husband and child and selflessly rejoice in their wellbeing, loving them as my Father has loved me

• That I would stop becoming slave to my pursuit of praise and break out of deluded self-centeredness

• That I would not imagine false narratives that make me forget the good and the love of my husband

• That I would think, act, and speak toward others with compassion and graciousness

• That I would treasure the Word of God and have His glory at the forefront of my mind

• That I would be making melody in my heart in thanksgiving to God and praying without ceasing  

Praise God that He does not leave me to live my life as a foolish worm that thinks he’s God, but opens my eyes to my depraved state, and graciously redeems me as His child. 

Through many dangers, toils, and snares

The false gospel of self-help, have you checked your heart for it?

The trophy of self-help sits not far off the narrow way toward Zion. It’s like one of those floating bonus items in Mario Kart. It promises to require just a quick flick of your thumb, and you can continue on your way, in fact it will help you in your walk!

But that is a deceitful illusion. You can never just grab it and go. You are led off the path continuously, chasing after righteousness in this life. Living for the sake of becoming better, which on its own is at best but dirty rags before the throne of God.

I regret to confess that in becoming a mother, I’ve gone down the way after this elusive reward.

Examples:

• I have anxiety about my child’s health: the Bible has a solution for this, to be a more “healthy” person and rid me of a bad feeling!
• I have thoughts of resentment toward my family: the Bible has truths to remove such ugly emotions. Don’t I want to be a more gracious and serving mother and wife? Apply the right verses and I will be made better, more respectable, more desirable. That’s the goal right?

No! Lord, wretched man that I am, please deliver me from this body of death! How is it that after all these years, after all the washing in the water of the Word, my heart’s perpetual idolatry can lead me to grovel on the floor before the worthless images of pride and the praise of man?

This may seem a little overdramatic to you because, the reality is, the pilgrim’s way does involve becoming better. It’s called sanctification, and it’s done by the gracious hand of God through the work of the Spirit. But what a vile thing it is to take this gift and set it upon the throne and worship it.

 

I beg of you (and I beg the Lord to help me to do it) to hate sin in our lives, but hate it for the right reason – which is that is abhorrent to God who is perfect. Because Christ died to take on the punishment of sin. Because sin grieves the Holy Spirit who indwells us. May we seek to be perfect, not for perfection’s sake, but because our Heavenly Father, whom we worship, is perfect.

Becoming better is the inevitable byproduct of being a worshipper of God, but may it never ever be the object of our worship.

So let the truths of God’s Word wash you and help you as they should. Reflect on them, cling to them. But look up and check whose coattails you’re clinging to. Are those passages helping you to cling to God or to the betterment of yourself?