Oh Lord Be Merciful to Me, I Am a Sinner Through and Through

From the pulpit at Pillar, and in my own bible reading I've repeatedly come across the command to be set apart for the Lord, consecrated. I've been wrestling with what that means. There are many ways the word is used, many people and things that are consecrated - from Christ Jesus himself (John 17:19) to animal offerings and furniture for worship (2 Chronicles 29:33).

The emphasis I settled on was that of consecration of people, for the divine purpose of the Lord:

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations." - Jeremiah 1:5

Now, I recognize that I'm not exactly an Old Testament prophet called to be the mouthpiece of God. But I know that my Lord has known me from the womb, from eternity before my birth, and that He has a divine purpose for me - to bring glory to His name. But I wasn't really sure what that looked like. I considered the pictures I had in my head of people set apart for the Lord - the missionary who sells all his belongings to live forever in a foreign land, the 18th century hymn-writer who memorized the entire New Testament instead of going and enjoying the local entertainment of the age, the passionate revival prayer warrior who does not shy away from making every Facebook post and every IRL conversation about the glory of Christ.

I wondered, Lord how shall I be set apart? What shall I be for your kingdom? The consecrated life can look like so many things. What earthly pleasures must I flee from and what commandments shall I most embrace?

I set the thoughts aside and was swept up in the busy schedule of taking my first online course with Southern Baptist Theological Seminary. My reasons for taking the class and beginning my pursuit of an MA in Theological Studies were pretty simple - it will aid me in becoming a better worshipper of God, and I would like the option in the future to pursue a PhD in Christian academia. My nonchalance about all of it was shattered last Friday when I realized that I had completely misread the syllabus. What I thought was a roughly 9 hour commitment throughout the week was more like .. honestly I'm still not sure how many hours. Somewhere along the lines of every day after work, every commute back and forth, and if I wasn't absolutely diligent, all day Saturday. At first I thought I could buckle down and do it, it's only 8 weeks. And then I realized this was a long term goal, my life might look like this for the next 3 years. (and in Deb's words "probably longer" haha).

Three years, I'll be 26 when I'm finished with this degree. All of a sudden, my feelings of panic and despair went away, and I was pleased to consider that I would have to cling to the Lord for help for the next 3 years. I would be a 23 year old, coming home from work every day to pour over Christian textbooks, devoting my first fruits of youth, time, health, energy, to the wonderful effort of studying God's Word. What better way to be set apart for the Lord? I was filled with joy and peace in the thought of being able to live diligently and intentionally for the glory of God in this way for the foreseeable future.

That was last week. Today, I came home and watched some Youtube videos while eating dinner. Got on my phone and scanned through Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook, Pinterest. And then when my mom came home and started nagging as she does in her love, I sassed her. Told her she doesn't do anything but nag. My dad asked me what time I would be leaving for work tomorrow (if I don't leave early he is happy to drop me off every morning). I got annoyed. Next thing I knew it was 10pm, I hadn't done any of my readings, and I remembered that when I procrastinate I eat snacks. I feel fat, I haven't been able to set aside time to go to the gym, and I'm frustrated with my own lack of discipline. How can I claim to be entering a season of dying to my self and being set apart for the Lord if I can't even love my own parents? If I can't even overcome my own laziness?

I cannot, except by the power of the Spirit in me. I know this, sin comes forth from my core. But man, this class is showing me my ugliness anew. And I am thankful for this too, for the Lord saves me from myself. He sheds me of my sinfulness by His grace alone. He releases for me the shackles of laziness and self-service. Oh Lord be merciful to me, I am a sinner through and through. Please refine me, remove from me the sinfulness that is everything of me, and remind me of this truth:

"I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me." 

- Galatians 2:20

Great Is Thy Faithfulness

I love the song "Great is Thy Faithfulness" because it makes me reflect on how the Lord has truly been so faithful to me. He's given me every good thing for my soul, and countless additional comforts  for life on earth in His grace. But this morning as I listened to this song on my commute, I considered the sobering fact that my existence has only started 22 years ago. Really consider that, just 22 years! It is so small and insignificant of a time against all of eternity, and if I have had the joy of witnessing this much of His faithfulness in my lifetime, how much more will I see before I breathe my last? 22 more years? 40 years? 50 years? Whatever it will be, I can't wait to see what He will do, how many more glimpses of His goodness He will grant me to see.

But what's really crazy, is that when I've died, my time on earth will grow continuously minuscule as the time of eternity continues on. And in eternity, the bible says we will ever worship the Lord Jesus for who He is, but also for one thing in particular:

Revelation 5:11-13

"Then I looked, and I heard around the throne and the living creatures and the elders the voice of many angels, numbering myriads of myriads and thousands of thousands, saying with a loud voice, 

'Worthy is the Lamb who was slain,

to receive power and wealth and wisdom and might

and honor and glory and blessing!'

And I heard every creature in heaven and on earth and under the earth and in the sea, and all that is in them, saying, 

'To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb

be blessing and honor and glory and might forever and ever!'”

We will worship Him for being the Lamb. The God-man who gave up His divine place on the throne to become flesh, and as the Creator of Life, die. On a cross, hated by those He came to save, all the while drinking full the wrath of the Holy God, as the Holy God.

My 22 years of life may be a wonderful testament to God's faithfulness, but the greatest work of His faithfulness was already done. Planned before eternity past, to be remembered for eternity future. The Lord Jesus Christ has submit himself to fleshly death, for sinners.

Great is His faithfulness.


(My favorite version of Great Is Thy Faithfulness by Jimmy Needham here)
https://open.spotify.com/track/5bb6qLFKvP0HfqgdQWMAHw

Chains Are Broken, Lives Are Free

I love hearing the testimonies of fellow believers, for the wonderful truths about what Christ has done for us are countless, and each soul is gripped by a different combination of them in His own timing. I myself have often rejoiced in Spurgeon's reflections on how the Word came alive and was made sweet anew as the Spirit caused him to finally hear and cherish the Truth. My heart sings out that it is true! In His grace, he has indeed opened my eyes to behold wondrous things in His law.

Recently I'm being led to meditate upon the many other truths, those of which I may not personally have a visceral response to, but are true and good nonetheless. Growing up in a loving Christian home, the weight and despair of sin was not a burden I was familiar with. I was barely even aware of the load on my back when it was so graciously removed as Bunyan describes in the Pilgrim's Progress. Luther, on the other hand, speaks often of his wrestling with the wrath of a holy God, how he hated it, and felt hopeless and helpless before the mighty throne. From this place, he comes to see the futility of man ridding himself of the sin that pours out of him. 

“If we allow sin to remain in our conscience and try to deal with it there, or if we look at sin in our heart, it will be much too strong for us and will live on forever. But if we behold it resting on Christ and [see it] overcome by his resurrection, and then boldly believe this, even it is dead and nullified. Sin cannot remain on Christ, since it is swallowed up by his resurrection. Now you see no woulds, no pain in him, and no sign of sin.” “in his suffering Christ makes our sin known and thus destroys it, but through his resurrection he justifies us and deliver us from all sin, if we believe this” 

There is no overcoming the stronghold sin has on us by our own power. We are enslaved in our flesh to evil desires, but these chains (as well as the rotten fruit and righteous wrath that ensued) were put on Christ Jesus himself to be swallowed up by death and resurrection.

 “but pass beyond that and see his friendly heart and how this heart beats with such love for you that it impels him to bear with pain your conscience and your sin. Then your heart will be filled with love for him, and the confidence of your faith will be strengthened.”

With the knowledge of the power of Christ in casting aside our despondence (as much or as little we individually may feel), consider then also the heart of love which was moved to supernatural grace and mercy. The taker of such despair has approached us with gentleness and friendliness. He has not become embittered from the chains and wrath placed upon his back so unjustly, but has rather manifested the fountains of compassion and love that pour forth from His heart.