I Have A Miserable Confession

I don't live for God.

I live with Him. And like a best friend, I have become well acquainted with the way he talks, the way he acts, and I have adopted some of these as my own. He does things for me, and I do things for Him back. We like each other and enjoy our relationship. People might even call us inseparable. That's great. But I do not live as His servant. I do not act as one who is a slave to His righteousness. I seek to glorify Him in all I do, but my chief purpose is not His glory.

It's a miserable place to find myself. Horribly embarrassing, to realize I've committed a spiritual faux pas and treated the King of Kings like a good old buddy and not much else. It reminds me of what my mom said to me once in an argument. She said she's not my friend, that she's my mother, and I must respect her as such. It doesn't mean she doesn't love to enjoy friendship with me, but the reality of our relationship is one where she holds great authority and deserves respect from me. In similar ways, God is comforting, He is our friend, He is Abba Father who deals with us gently despite our immaturity and wandering hearts. But don't you get it wrong, He is God. He is creator of the universe, the very definition of holiness, and we would drop dead in our pathetic human sinfulness if we were to gaze upon the fullness of His glory.

Abba Father, forgive me of my brazen foolishness. For forgetting my place, and disregarding the wonder and glory of my salvation by your hand. May I not grow comfortable with your goodness, but always remember and meditate upon your astounding nature as God: holy, magnificent, and deserving of all praise and worship. There is nothing else, Lord. No career, no relationship, no joy in this life could compare to the goodness you have given us on the cross, though we praise you and glorify you for giving us these temporary joys. But above all else let us not be satisfied in any earthly blessings, but wait in eagerness for the fullness of your promises. Remind me of
the impossibility of what you have done. Incline my heart to your glory, and your glory alone. Let me die to myself and offer up this tiny life in complete and utter servitude to you, Father, Savior, Redeemer, Creator, King of Kings, Comforter. In Jesus' name.

My salvation comes from Him

Teach me, O Lord, the ways of your statues; and I will keep it to the end.
Give me understanding, that I may keep your law
and observe it with my whole heart.
Lead me in the path of your commandments,
for I delight in it.
Incline my heart to your testimonies,
and not to selfish gain!
Turn my eyes from looking at worthless things;
and give me life in your ways.
Confirm to your servant your promise,
that you may be feared.
Turn away the reproach that I dread,
for your rules are good.
Behold, I long for your precepts;
in your righteousness give me life!
- Psalm 119:33-40

A few years ago, being uncertain about theology, I wondered just what I was allowed to pray. Could I pray for others' salvation, was that something He could do according to his nature? Could I pray for the redemption of a nation? Could I ask Him to transform me in the specific ways that I desire? And slowly I found beautiful answers to these questions in the prayers of the bible, in the requests of those individuals who knew God's character intimately. That I can pray such directives to the God Almighty amazes me, that it pleases Him for me to ask for Him to work. That in the promise of these prayers, I know that He can and will do it. If I ask, He will teach, He will give understanding, H
e will lead and incline my heart. Such attention to the desperate demands of this little life. What an awesome God.